The best birthday gift I gave myself

Being born on the 31st of December is tough. Especially when you are young, school is closed for the Christmas Holidays and your friends are out of town with their parents. For years, my birthday was held between my grandparents’ house, where I had lunch with them and my mom, and my father’s house, where I had dinner with the other half of the family. Eventually, I learned that the most important person I should celebrate my birthday with was myself.

Four years ago, I started the tradition of giving myself a birthday gift. It must be something special and with a deep meaning, like a book about big train trips that I dream about doing, or a beautiful Journal created by my favourite Portuguese publishing house.

I love my birthday now. I start my day with friends at a nice breakfast, I have lunch with my family, all together, and I finish my day in a country house, with another group of friends, celebrating life and friendship.

Although, for the last two years, life hasn’t been so kind to me as it used to. I’ve been struggling with my professional life, I’ve lost one of my dogs, I’ve been afraid of being alone, and last but not least, I’ve been through depression! This time, I felt that I deserved a very special birthday present!

So, even if I’ve been afraid as hell of being completely alone for more than 12 hours, I booked two nights in a Guest House in the south of Portugal, right into the Algarve mountains (yeah, that’s a real thing!). My birthday gift would be overcoming the struggle about being alone, have a deep look into my heart and organizing my head, objectives, and priorities.

I grabbed two books, some food, one bottle of wine, my pyjamas and a tracksuit to go for a walk and I headed to the south with a good set of podcasts on my phone and lots of hope in my mind.

On Friday night I was driving through Alentejo, with a sky full of stars above me. After crossing half the country and meeting some wildlife, such as foxes and owls, I arrived at a nice hidden away house and settled for the night. Surprisingly, I felt a wave of peace as soon as I turned off the phone and looked outside. In that place, at that moment, the world had stopped and I could relax, have a deep sleep and get focused on myself.

During the previous week, I had just decided to switch to a part-time job at the office to get time to write and take care of myself. For the whole weekend, I couldn’t feel happier about that decision. Thinking about the projects I have had in mind for so much time and that I was leaving for “that better occasion when I won’t need to work a full-time job” really filled my heart with joy. I was giving the first steps towards the kind of life I’ve dreamed about for so long.

Being deep inside that natural landscape with trees everywhere, water running through the garden and birds singing, allowed me to overcome the fear of being alone and feel deeply embraced by nature. By lunchtime, on Saturday, after coming back from a walk, I was already so happy and peaceful that I suddenly realized I had the energy needed to start planning my new life.

I had been feeling like a loser for so many months and yet I managed to buy a house, do a lot of works before moving there, start paying my loan, go back to running and start practising yoga. I even decided to overcome the fear of financial instability and do reduce my work hours so I can launch my own project. OMG! I’ve done so many important and courageous things… how could I feel disappointed with myself?! I was so occupied making things happen that I just couldn’t find the time to look back and see the amazing decisions I’ve made for my life.

I’m glad I took the time to stop… putting myself in the first place and getting alone and far from home for two days really gave me time and perspective to appreciate my accomplishments, my life and getting a new energy for what is coming ahead: a new paradigm where I would take care of myself understanding that this would allow me to be in my best for my friends and family, dedicate some time to manage my expenses and finance in order to not worry with the lower-income I’m getting and put all my love and enthusiasm in my new project which will launch soon.

I’m so happy that I took this step. I strongly suggest you do the same. Go somewhere, connect with nature and with yourself, take a look at where you are and where you wanna go, organize your thoughts and take some deep breaths. Maybe, you’re doing well, you just can’t see it. This weekend was the best birthday gift I gave myself, and I feel like I wouldn’t bother to get the same one again and again!

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