Be a part of something greater than yourself.

The paradigm shift that caused me to give up success as a music artist.

When I stopped making music publicly at a time where I pretty much had everything going for me, many people I spoke with all asked me the same question:

Why?

When I graduated last year a student bachelor of Education, the first thing my teacher told the audience at graduation was “Why did Stefan stop making music?” (the intent was to eventually say that they were happy I did as they considered me a valuable addition to the world of teaching).

The underlying motivation for the question seems to be:

Up until recently I found this hard to answer. Not that I was emotionally involved in the answer, but I just never felt like I could clearly describe the reason.

When you’re a performing music artist you have only one or two main motivations for doing it:

In my relatively short career as a musician I have yet to encounter the second kind. The ones who purely do it for the joy of others.

The first kind I have met in abundance.

I was one of them.

My main motivation appeared to be attention. I was incredibly insecure and music gave me a ‘superpower’. I did what I loved doing, and people couldn’t shut up about how talented I was.

It fed a desire to become more successful in order to achieve all the things I thought were valuable. Attention, money, girls. But what I mostly ended up with was a terrible attitude that didn’t sit with me well many years after I suddenly stopped.

After having multiple band-break-ups, legal matters with the record label and a declining relationship with my father, I finally decided to quit.

It was as far from planned as you could imagine.

We did the show and that was that (apart from paying a percentage for the leftover shows to all the musicians from my own pocket so they wouldn’t file a lawsuit.)

The feeling was so strong and so obvious yet I never had the right words to explain why.

What was I after and what didn’t I get from that current situation?

As a musician, especially when you’re the lead, you are the final product. I aspired to be a good musician and I wanted the credits for that. It was about me.

I remember a line from Bob Igers “Ride of a Lifetime” where he mentions that he told a journalist that the lamps in the hotel they were at, were his choice. Someone close to him then told him:

And that little thing, right there, makes all the difference.

Do you want yourself to be the importance or do you feel grateful enough to be a part of what others and yourself enjoy?

As I said before, my experience is that the world of musicians is mostly driven by the kind that wants recognition.

You stand on that stage because you enjoy the attention and response. Not for them, but for you.

That’s all live performing is. An act of showing off your skills and hoping for recognition.

I still play my instrument everyday.

And I intend to someday, record music again.

Why? Am I still searching for recognition? Have I not received enough confirmation in 32 years?

Here’s the answer:

In other regards I am starting to see that I get most excited when I can be a part of something greater. That I am no longer the front-man of a concept but rather a driving force behind it.

The gratitude comes from standing at the side-line and looking at the thing you are a part of and going:

Whether this be a corporate business, a non-profit organization, school or a film you contributed the music to.

The point is that you feel proud of the work regardless of the recognition from anyone but yourself.

This is why I say I would still love to make music and contribute that music one day, because it has always been a lifeline to me. That is the true motivation behind my desire to play.

And in that regard, I never quit and never will.

It sounds strange, but I can’t wait to be a part of beautiful things and get zero credit for it. Just the knowledge that I played a small role in something bigger.

I’m not sure f I instinctively felt this at the night I told everyone I quit. I don’t think so to be honest.

It was more of a: “I’m done with this facade and all the bullshit that comes with it. I want to feel happy again and build back the relationship I had with my dad. I don’t need this.”

But then again, I did already feel that getting attention wasn’t making me happy. In fact it did the opposite.

Had I’d known then what I know now I would have answered that same question with a simple answer:

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